Alex Ward: the 10 funniest things I have ever seen

I’ve been online for a long time. When I first got on the internet, I spent most of my time in an AOL teen chatroom. I wasn’t even a teenager – I was 10 years old. But to the AOL chatroom, I was 16-year-old Casey from America who could snowboard and skateboard and surf and rollerblade backwards and smoke while doing any of those things. Alex could barely razor scooter and I thank the internet to this day for giving me the chance to wear that hat (a backwards-fitted cap, obviously) just once.

I don’t feel bad about the lying because I don’t think anyone else in that chatroom was actually a teenager; I’m guessing it was 50% children like myself and 50% adult criminals. Do I regret it? Well, when you consider that’s where I first started receiving funny memes and that I also didn’t give out my home address, not even once, then no, I have absolutely zero regrets.

I steer clear of the chatrooms now (especially the teen ones) but I’m still big into the funny side of the internet. Here are 10 things I find very funny.

1. ‘It starts right now!’

You just know this guy had been rehearsing his “And it starts right now!” line around the house the night before. Rarely do you capture someone fail with such accuracy and enthusiasm. I bet he still had that big smile on his face when he was underwater.

2. This Michael Jackson tweet

We all have that thing we tell people growing up, only to one day find out it wasn’t what it seemed. I went to school with a girl who told me she was a Filipino princess so I told everyone I knew a princess. Then when I was 20 I saw her working at Boost and figured that a princess wouldn’t have to work. I googled the Philippines and turns out it’s a republic. Also, if she was a princess she should have been at a rich school – I always thought our school was fine but now I realise I managed to get an “education” without the Philippines coming up in class once.

Anyway, I love this tweet where this adult man realises his life has been a lie.

3. Slippery guy

This is a video a friend showed me last year featuring a man he calls “the slipperiest guy in the world”. The only thing funnier than a video of someone falling over is a video of someone who never stops falling over.

4. Greentext soccer story

Before Reddit, the worst people on the internet hung out on 4chan. I’m sure some still do but I don’t dare check. 4chan is such a basic HTML website that sharing information has to be done with limited text and has led to a short story style of writing called “greentext”. To me it’s almost poetry but I wouldn’t say that over there or they might add it to their manifestos. Excuse the fuzziness, it’s from 2011 and been copied a tonne of times. To me, this is the funniest greentext I’ve come across.

5. The Simpsons Rock Eisteddfod

I was struggling to explain the Australian Rock Eisteddfod Challenge to a friend from overseas once when I decided to look on YouTube for some clips. That’s how I found this bizarre performance. I never thought my memory of my own school’s eisteddfod piece – a jazz ballet number to the Prodigy’s Breathe – could be outdone, but I was wrong. Enjoy this interruptive dance from 1997, depicting the seven deadly sins through The Simpsons. I particularly enjoy Maggie’s backflips at 5:25.

6. Thomas Sainsbury’s ‘Boomer Dad and the Car Park’

Thomas Sainsbury is a New Zealand comedian and has my favourite Instagram account. He does a lot of characters and sketches. It was difficult to pick just one video to share – I decided to go with his impression of a boomer trying to pay for parking, but I also highly recommend his supportive work mum.

7. Fern Brady’s jumper tweet

What I wouldn’t give to meet the builder and hear his side of things. Take some time to read the responses to this tweet. Just story after story of similar embarrassing misfortunes. They hurt so bad it’s good.

8. Hot Dad Productions Protective Dad

Hot Dad Productions are a Melbourne-based comedy group who make lots of great videos. This sketch is one of my favourites. Not all their videos feature dads being hot but this one does.

9. Onion kid

This kid eating an onion. I don’t know if they think it’s something other than onion or if they know perfectly well it’s an onion. I don’t need nor care to know. Just enjoy it for what it is – a kid eating an onion.

10. Tig Notaro keeps running into Taylor Dayne

Tig Notaro is one of my favourite comedians and this is one of my favourite bits of hers. Somehow Tig continually runs into 80s pop singer Taylor Dayne. The end of this clip gets a little awkward with a musical performance by a special act – you’ll never guess who! I’ve watched this video a bunch of times but only just now noticed who the uploader was … can you guess … yeah, Taylor Dayne.