June 3, 2023


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Internet Backs Woman Whose Boyfriend Broke Things Off When She Couldn’t Promise Healthy BMI

The CDC says if your BMI falls between 18.5 to 24.9, you’re in healthy weight range. 25.0 to 29.9, means you’re overweight, and a score of 30.0 or more hits the obese category. For one woman, BMI took on a greater meaning when it cost her a relationship.

“So as the title suggests, my ~5 year long partner broke up with me because I refused to promise him ‘to do everything in my power’ to stay within the normal BMI as long as we stay together (I am in a healthy weight range right now, but don’t have good genetics),” the Redditor known as “holmes_k” wrote on the “TwoXChromosones” forum. “He is generally acknowledging the fact that I would have gained weight during pregnancy/cies, but expects me to back to the normal weight/BMI thereafter.”

She explained that her ex-boyfriend “wouldn’t be able to have sex with someone overweight and so would never be happy with anyone above the normal BMI,” and, “if I care about our relationship, I should be able to understand that slimness is important to him and should be able to prioritize my fitness above other things (e.g. career).”

The woman further elaborated saying, “his expectation, for example, is that if I were to be offered a unique managerial opportunity, I should turn it down if taking it would mean that I no longer have time to exercise and fight my hypothetical extra weight.” Her reasons, as she explained, are because there are no guarantees.

“My point of view is that I cannot promise to stay within the ‘normal’ weight/BMI because (a) life is so freaking unpredictable and there is literally a million reasons as to why a woman who works 10-11 hours a day and plans to have kids one day might struggle to keep off the extra weight,” she said. “And (b) there are more important things/ priorities in life and keeping a model physique is not an end goal for me, but rather something ‘nice to have.'”

The woman ended by saying she’s “completely heart-broken” since the two already began to try to have children.

So, she wondered: “Am I wrong here in not giving my partner that promise (which realistically I might not be able to keep and which goes against my personal values) at the expense of us breaking up?”

Readers weighed in to share their support.

An anonymous woman, 42, on the scales before her weight loss surgery.
Tina Stallard/Getty Images

“A family members partner asked the same from her in the beginning of their relationship, she didn’t loose the pregnancy weight. They’re divorced now,” smartieblue22_2 said.

“Congrats at dropping nearly 200lbs! You will have a much healthier life from now on!” SlowMope joked.

carrzo agreed adding, “Another take: This is his out clause. He’s 28, in a 5-year relationship and doesn’t want to commit. Holidays increase the “are we going to have an engagement announcement?” pressure on guys and he buckled, got himself out with silliness. Shows his true colors though and and hate to be his eventual kid. Good riddance – I’m thinking >50% chance in 6 months he’s groveling back. Hopefully you’ve moved on.”

“He was not only asking you to stay thin, but to SACRIFICE YOUR CAREER POTENTIAL on the altar of staying thin. Grieve the relationship you thought you had, realize this is a good thing for you, and pray he never has any daughters,” WineAndDogs2020 said.

The woman later updated the post.

“Thank you everyone for all your messages, support and points of view which I found very helpful. They definitely helped get through a pretty bad day,” she wrote. “I did also receive dozens of messages from men asking me to prove that I’m not overweight / that I’m good-looking / that I’m ‘worthy of my ex’ / to send a pic to prove that (jesus, seriously) – if that was your response, you missed the point of post: there has been nothing wrong with my body/figure, but bf was just paranoid I might gain weight in the future.”

The viral post accumulated 13,200 upvotes and over 4,600 comments.