A bridesmaid quit her future sister-in-law’s wedding after she made hurtful comments toward her at a family lunch the day before she was to walk down the aisle.
In a post published on Reddit’s “Am I The A**hole” forum, she says that during a family lunch her future SIL mentioned it was a shame that her brother – the woman’s fiance – never got to date his ex-female friend and be a bridesmaid.
“Before I got with my fiancé, his family was trying to get him to date another female friend of his who he no longer talks to because she’s said some pretty horrible things about him and some of his friends,” the post reads.
“One day before the wedding we were having a family lunch with the bride’s family and during lunch she started mentioning that female ex friend of my fiancé,” the post continues. “She started saying what a gorgeous girl she is and how pretty she is.”
The post then continues with the woman explaining how the “nail in the coffin” was when her SIL told her it was a “shame” her brother never got to date the ex-friend and how she’d love to have that woman as a bridesmaid but she couldn’t because she took up a place in the bridal party. She also said that because of her, she couldn’t call the ex-friend her sister.
The woman’s mother-in-law told the bride to apologize but the SIL said she deeply felt that way and that she loved having her as her SIL but preferred the ex-friend.
“I kindly got up and excused myself, saying I’ll head home. While I was gathering my stuff to leave I also said I’d withdraw as a bridesmaid since I’m not really the one she wanted there and that she should contact (ex friend) while she still has time and I’ll give her my dress since we are the same size,” the post recounts.
The woman says that her mother-in-law, father-in-law, and brother-in-law all supported her decision to walk out. Her own family, though, thought she was “the a**hole” in the situation for not sucking up the drama for just one more day and leaving the bride stressed.
She explained in an update that she still attended the wedding, just not as a bridesmaid. She also said that at the wedding the bride’s new husband approached her and said he respected her decision but that she didn’t need to quit last minute over “a joke.”
Those at Brides.com believe it’s okay to back out of a wedding party as long as you return the dress and explain your reasoning to the bride.
“It’s OK to let the bride know you’d like to step away from being a bridesmaid and just be a wedding guest instead,” a writer for the publication said.
The publication says that quitting should be done ASAP to avoid upsetting the bride, but this case was a last-minute decision, leaving the bride one day to find a new bridesmaid.
Many online rushed to the woman’s post to share their support. Many of the commenters believed quitting the wedding was the right thing to do, especially since the bride made it pretty clear she wanted the ex-friend more.
“NTA – I’m so glad your in laws stood up for you and supported your decision!” commented u/Historical-Soup. “However for the groom to call her comments “a joke” is very wrong (was he there when she initially said them?) I hope you’re doing okay but you don’t need her in your life.”
Another user agreed that the SIL was the problem in the situation: “Anyone who feels completed to be malicious and nasty the day before their wedding has some serious emotional issues,” wrote user u/Nomegusta111. “NTA, yikes.”