A Redditor went viral after posting in the popular “Am I The A**hole” forum about how she ruined Thanksgiving dinner for her boyfriend’s family. The user, known only as u/Throwawaygivings on Reddit, received more than 18,200 votes on the post in about eight hours.
In the post, u/Throwawaygivings explained that she and her boyfriend had been dating for three years. She said a year before they got together, her boyfriend was with his high school sweetheart but they broke up.
“His mom however was still heartbroken about it,” the post explained. “I was very understanding and thought she needed time to get to know me. The ex basically grew up with them and they saw her as a part of the family.”
In the post, u/Throwawaygivings explained that for the first year of her relationship, her boyfriend’s mom called her his ex’s name. She said one time her boyfriend got angry and told her to “be nice” but the mother laughed and said it was “just a habit.”
“After that she started calling me the wrong name. [Janet instead of Jenny; fictional names just for the story],” the post read. “I corrected her a couple of times but she seemed to like hurting me so I ignored it later.”
The woman wrote in the post that her boyfriend has two sisters and one of them invited her over for a BBQ a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving.
“I was in the kitchen with my bf’s mom, the sisters and one of their husbands,” the post read. “The older sister then talked about how my BF praised my cooking to her husband and the mom was listening.”
According to u/Throwawaygivings, her boyfriend’s mother replied, “SURE! Why don’t we let Janet make the turkey this year?”
She said the sisters looked at each other and giggled and that she replied that it was a “great idea!” but never told her boyfriend about the conversation.
As a guest, it is commonplace to not attend the Thanksgiving festivities empty-handed. In some households, a side or dessert is good. In some, the entire turkey and several sides are required.
It is important to discuss expectations for the food preparation before the day comes so people don’t bring two green bean casseroles and you end up with no mashed potatoes.
According to Lisa Grotts, an etiquette expert, it is important for the host to delegate who should bring which dishes.
“If someone offers, take them up on it,” Grotts said in her blog. “But, generally speaking, the host is in charge of the main course, so even though your bestie Barb offers to bring a 30-pound bird, say thanks but no thanks.”
Fast forward to Thanksgiving a couple of weeks later, and u/Throwawaygivings said she and her boyfriend brought their usual wine and dessert to dinner—but no turkey.
“She was shocked, everybody was shocked,” the post said. “I said ‘what? I thought Janet is bringing the turkey!'”
The post explained that there was yelling and crying and that eventually she and her boyfriend got kicked out of the festivities.
“My bf is so angry with me he hasn’t talked to me since,” u/Throwawaygivings wrote. “I think it’s over tbh. But I still don’t think I did anything wrong! Did I?”
More than 1,400 users left comments, many of which claimed the Redditor was TA but had a great reason for her actions.
“*Thunderous applause* You’re my favorite a**hole for this,” one user commented and received more than 18,000 reactions. “My absolute hero.”
In the comment section, u/Throwawaygivings explained that after she vaguely agreed to bring the turkey, there was no follow-up from her boyfriend’s mother or his sister.
She also explained that the only reason she jokingly agreed to bring the turkey was that her boyfriend’s mom kept referencing “Janet” when she knew that was not her name. As a joke, she agreed that “Janet” should bring the turkey.
“If they wanted a Janet to bring the turkey, they should have invited a Janet and asked her to bring a turkey,” one user pointed out in the comments. “NTA, OP [original poster], and your BF needs to draw harder lines w his family. He’s kinda the AH too here.”
“Was it petty? Sure,” another wrote. “Not anywhere near as petty as referring to someone by the wrong name for THREE YEARS. NTA as far as I’m concerned!”